As summer is dragging on and there is still one long month until field hockey season finally kicks off again, I pulled out last season's match reports - they are worth a second read. However, I think I'm out of sausage sayings. I need a new theme - maybe french sayings??
October 21, Jokers Champs @ Tr-City Eagles
In Germany we have a saying: "Everything has an end,
only the sausage has two."
Unfortunately, our winning streak turned out not to be a sausage. "No champagne hockey", said coach C. We took him a bit too literary and played mimosa - sweet and harmless. In the mean time Tri-City Eagles brought on the vodka, taking shot after shot and scoring a couple goals early on. We added some percents to our game in the second half and got rewarded by getting one back. I am sure we would have outlasted them if it hadn't been for the final whistle after 70 minutes.
Luckily we have a bi-weekend now to contemplate our failure. Til then, cheers.
Unfortunately, our winning streak turned out not to be a sausage. "No champagne hockey", said coach C. We took him a bit too literary and played mimosa - sweet and harmless. In the mean time Tri-City Eagles brought on the vodka, taking shot after shot and scoring a couple goals early on. We added some percents to our game in the second half and got rewarded by getting one back. I am sure we would have outlasted them if it hadn't been for the final whistle after 70 minutes.
Luckily we have a bi-weekend now to contemplate our failure. Til then, cheers.
October 28, Falcons @ Jokers II
In Germany we have a saying: "Self-praise stinks."
Well, it was a pretty warm October afternoon so I started smelling rather badly pretty much right after warmup ... I may as well give it a go.
If you had come out to Hamber this morning at 10:30 am, you would have witnessed my 4th shutout of the season with a goal against average of 0.71. I was all over the place, diving here and there and deflecting - as incompetent coach T. pointed out - an easy ball heading for the top right corner of the net. It was all I could do to yell at the useless D and watch how the lazy midfielders passed the ball into open space, where our too slow forwards weren't able to catch up with it. Somehow K.W. managed to find K.N. who put the ball into the back of the net - pure luck!
In the end it was Joli 1 - Falcons 0. Well done me!
Well, it was a pretty warm October afternoon so I started smelling rather badly pretty much right after warmup ... I may as well give it a go.
If you had come out to Hamber this morning at 10:30 am, you would have witnessed my 4th shutout of the season with a goal against average of 0.71. I was all over the place, diving here and there and deflecting - as incompetent coach T. pointed out - an easy ball heading for the top right corner of the net. It was all I could do to yell at the useless D and watch how the lazy midfielders passed the ball into open space, where our too slow forwards weren't able to catch up with it. Somehow K.W. managed to find K.N. who put the ball into the back of the net - pure luck!
In the end it was Joli 1 - Falcons 0. Well done me!
November 4, Jokers Champs @ Richmond Warblers
In Germany we have a saying "That is snow from
yesterday".
Losing is definitely snow from yesterday, because today's snow saw Jokers Champs back on top of the score sheet. It was a cold and grey day out in Richmond, but luckily the pitch was wearing lines of 5 different colours to lift our spirits. The game started at 11:00 and so did the snow. Jokers in bright orange put on a wacky passing game, while Richmond with the poor choice of white jerseys had trouble distinguishing themselves from the snow flakes and the ball at times. Even more trouble to identify what was going on and to distinguish the rules from - well - not the rules had the umpires. We remained stoic throughout all this and took the game with Jokers 3 - Richmond 1.
Goals from R. (2) and K.P. (1). Assists up for grabs.
Losing is definitely snow from yesterday, because today's snow saw Jokers Champs back on top of the score sheet. It was a cold and grey day out in Richmond, but luckily the pitch was wearing lines of 5 different colours to lift our spirits. The game started at 11:00 and so did the snow. Jokers in bright orange put on a wacky passing game, while Richmond with the poor choice of white jerseys had trouble distinguishing themselves from the snow flakes and the ball at times. Even more trouble to identify what was going on and to distinguish the rules from - well - not the rules had the umpires. We remained stoic throughout all this and took the game with Jokers 3 - Richmond 1.
Goals from R. (2) and K.P. (1). Assists up for grabs.
November 11, Jokers Champs @ Burnaby Lakers
In Germany we have a saying "The early bird catches the
worm."
A few early birds were spotted on the opposition team this morning at 9 am in Burnaby. Jokers line up included mostly worms except for L. who was annoyingly sober and cheerful. While time and turf were against us, we had a handful of spectators on our side. As soon as the whistle went everybody forgot how to fly, putting on a match of worm wrestling. The fight was so intense that even the umpires were scared to intervene and instead just watched the violence unfold. Somewhere in there was a field hockey ball as well, finding its way into both nets so that blue and orange worms traded goals to make it 1:1 at half time. Not much more hockey happened in the second half. Noteworthy may be that time when C. volunteered to sit for a green card that was given to a Burnaby player.
A few early birds were spotted on the opposition team this morning at 9 am in Burnaby. Jokers line up included mostly worms except for L. who was annoyingly sober and cheerful. While time and turf were against us, we had a handful of spectators on our side. As soon as the whistle went everybody forgot how to fly, putting on a match of worm wrestling. The fight was so intense that even the umpires were scared to intervene and instead just watched the violence unfold. Somewhere in there was a field hockey ball as well, finding its way into both nets so that blue and orange worms traded goals to make it 1:1 at half time. Not much more hockey happened in the second half. Noteworthy may be that time when C. volunteered to sit for a green card that was given to a Burnaby player.
November 18, Vancouver Hawks @ Jokers Champs
In Germany we have a saying
“That was a nil number.”
Earlier today 12 Jokers made it out to UBC to face about 18 baby Hawks at 9:30 in the morning. It was a morning of treats: We were treated to a somewhat nice pitch after three games on black rubber ball play pins, K.N. got treated to playing against her students, L. treated herself to a green card 5 minutes into the game, the umpire treated us to a disallowed goal, S. got mistreated to a fat lip, we all got treated to a rain free 70 minutes, Jokers treated the Hawk’s goalie to many saves, the spectating parents got treated to plenty of near misses, and both goals got treated to a morning off. The result you ask? No treat - nil-all.
Earlier today 12 Jokers made it out to UBC to face about 18 baby Hawks at 9:30 in the morning. It was a morning of treats: We were treated to a somewhat nice pitch after three games on black rubber ball play pins, K.N. got treated to playing against her students, L. treated herself to a green card 5 minutes into the game, the umpire treated us to a disallowed goal, S. got mistreated to a fat lip, we all got treated to a rain free 70 minutes, Jokers treated the Hawk’s goalie to many saves, the spectating parents got treated to plenty of near misses, and both goals got treated to a morning off. The result you ask? No treat - nil-all.
December 3, Jokers Champs @ Lomas (UBC)
In Germany we have a saying “Ones heart is slipping into
ones pants.”
It was the battle of orange today with Jokers Champs facing off against the Vancouver Meralomas. Hundreds of spectators found their way to the sidelines (not actually our sidelines but close enough) so Jokers were extra motivated to show off some excellent hockey. After the much debated nil number Jokers were also keen to score some goals. Despite the sun peeking through we had to make due with UBC's slippery pitch, but the only thing that went slipping was the Loma’s players’ hearts into their pants when we banged in one after the other. Jokers hearts stayed bright and orange with a big zero on the chest. So at the end of the day it was Jokers 4 – Lomas 0. Goals by R. and S. (we’re counting R.’s hat-tricks as 1 now so everyone else has a chance to catch up).
It was the battle of orange today with Jokers Champs facing off against the Vancouver Meralomas. Hundreds of spectators found their way to the sidelines (not actually our sidelines but close enough) so Jokers were extra motivated to show off some excellent hockey. After the much debated nil number Jokers were also keen to score some goals. Despite the sun peeking through we had to make due with UBC's slippery pitch, but the only thing that went slipping was the Loma’s players’ hearts into their pants when we banged in one after the other. Jokers hearts stayed bright and orange with a big zero on the chest. So at the end of the day it was Jokers 4 – Lomas 0. Goals by R. and S. (we’re counting R.’s hat-tricks as 1 now so everyone else has a chance to catch up).
December 10, Jokers Champs @ West Vancouver
In Germany we have a saying “In being precise lies the
spice.”
Hot orange Jokers 2 - Salty West Vaners 1
Hot orange Jokers 2 - Salty West Vaners 1
January 13, North Vancouver Strikers @ Jokers II
In Germany we have a saying “New Year, new luck.”
Div II’s first game action in 2018 was fast and furious. Both teams started a bit awkwardly trying to shake off the painful after-Christmas-break-stiffness. Jokers and North Vancouver Strikers traded plenty of chances during the first half but scoring goals was clearly nobody’s New Year’s resolution. Finally, Strikers decided to do something about it, steamrolling over Joli the goalie, nearly taking her precious little head off (ref to Joli “I didn’t blow the whistle because you got up so quickly”…). In the aftermath of this obviously deliberate foul play, Strikers managed to sneak one in just as the half time whistle blew. “That was unlucky”, said coach T. and now we all know that those German sayings are complete bullshit. The second half started with the old luck in the new year when a Joker’s goal got disallowed after an interlude debate club rather than a sports event. However, we wouldn’t be the Jokers if we didn’t pull ourselves together in the second half and so we went on and got a short corner, which let to a stroke, which P. thankfully did not shoot 10 meters above and beyond the net, but pinballed off the goalies glove into the right corner of the net. Jokers on the board, Jokers on the move, Jokers doing bang-bang passes down the field scoring another one. Strikers striking back. Jokers ceasing the moment of the new luck in the new year putting it away shortly before the end of the game. German saying told you so. Jokers 3 – Strikers 2. Goals by P., C. aka B., and K.W.
Div II’s first game action in 2018 was fast and furious. Both teams started a bit awkwardly trying to shake off the painful after-Christmas-break-stiffness. Jokers and North Vancouver Strikers traded plenty of chances during the first half but scoring goals was clearly nobody’s New Year’s resolution. Finally, Strikers decided to do something about it, steamrolling over Joli the goalie, nearly taking her precious little head off (ref to Joli “I didn’t blow the whistle because you got up so quickly”…). In the aftermath of this obviously deliberate foul play, Strikers managed to sneak one in just as the half time whistle blew. “That was unlucky”, said coach T. and now we all know that those German sayings are complete bullshit. The second half started with the old luck in the new year when a Joker’s goal got disallowed after an interlude debate club rather than a sports event. However, we wouldn’t be the Jokers if we didn’t pull ourselves together in the second half and so we went on and got a short corner, which let to a stroke, which P. thankfully did not shoot 10 meters above and beyond the net, but pinballed off the goalies glove into the right corner of the net. Jokers on the board, Jokers on the move, Jokers doing bang-bang passes down the field scoring another one. Strikers striking back. Jokers ceasing the moment of the new luck in the new year putting it away shortly before the end of the game. German saying told you so. Jokers 3 – Strikers 2. Goals by P., C. aka B., and K.W.
January 14, Tri-City Eagles @ Jokers Champs
In Germany we have a saying “It goes about the sausage.”
Jokers Champs – hungry for some sausage – were facing off
against the Tri-City Eagles for the league final. Just as the fog over Wright
field lifted, our first and last league game of 2018 went underway. Unlike any
other Joker’s team anywhere ever, the champs started their game crisp, awake,
and fiery. A fury of orange took charge in the first half dominating the yellow
chicklets and creating many first class scoring chances. R. doing what she
does best put the Jokers up 1:0, while Joli the goalie out of work didn’t have
a single touch of the ball in the first half. Coach C.’s words at half time
were clear: “Let’s shut this down, they should not get a single scoring chance for
the rest of the game.” We listened, nodded, and pondered over these wise words,
while the Eagles started the second half without us, scoring one within the
first minute. Coach C. had said: “If they get the draw, don’t panic.” We had
listened, we had nodded, and while we were trying to remember how not to panic
the Eagles had already scored their second goal within 5 minutes. “Take the
game 5 minutes at a time”, were the coach’s instructions which we clearly
ignored because the second 5 minutes of the second half led to another goal by
the Eagles. Jokers now down 1:3, the sausage was starting to shrivel. However,
balance was restored; Jokers down in the second half – now we knew exactly what
to do: stop this nonsense, let’s get the ball rolling, the legs moving, the
sticks hacking, the spectators cheering. And what a comeback we had! A
beautiful goalpost tip from J. put us within 1 and then H. willed the
ball into the net to tie the game. Everybody knew that the 3:3 put us back on
top of the league, well everybody but mama L. who was heard to instruct confused
orange players to move up and press (but don’t dive!). At the end of the day we
played 60 minutes of brilliant hockey, lost our heads for 10 minutes to make it
exciting for the fans, and finally went and took the well deserved sausage.
January 27, 2018, Jokers II @ Tri-City Eagles Tempo
In Germany we have a saying “Dogs that bark don’t bite.”
In Metro Vancouver this saying roughly translates to ‘big mouthed Eagles don’t catch their prey’.
The always dreaded Coquitlam game – usually scheduled at 5:30 pm on the Saturday of the Halloween, Christmas, or St. Paddy’s day party – was played yesterday at 2:30 pm on Coquitlam’s best Cunnings field. Jokers II arrived with plenty of time to stand around and get very cold while overhearing the Eagles’ game plan “to win the big one”. While the eagles were plotting their master plan, the Jokers knew losing wasn’t an option because (a) it was 2:30 pm on a Saturday and we were out in Coquitlam, (b) coach T. had said not to, and (c) we had a couple special guests on the field so needed to be on our best behaviour. After all, it was the return of the V. as well as the long anticipated Debut of A.W. (don’t worry this one seems much more well behaved). Jokers – following their coach’s lead – started strong, played the middle bit well, and finished solid. It was almost as if the hockey gods had dressed in orange that day: the sun came out, the black rubber turf lay low, balls were stopped, passes connected, evil J. was shut down, calls were tilted our way, and Jokers found the net. The first “goal” scored by C. aka B. had technically been shot from outside the D but the combination of the referee forgetting her glasses and being colour blind made it possible. At half time Jokers were up 1:0. The second half the Eagles tried to go for the kill, but the defense stayed strong and the offense provided, getting a penalty corner which A.W. reverse-sticked into the bottom right corner. Welcome to the Jokers and thank you very much. Joli the goalie – with plenty of time to contemplate which German saying to go with – defrosted the two occasions she was called upon and secured the shutout. Final score: Jokers 2 – (not so much) Tempo 0. Special thanks to K.G., who played 3 games in a day, L., who did not want to play but should seriously consider joining Div II for good, and S. who I would advise to score without the use of her foot next time.
In Metro Vancouver this saying roughly translates to ‘big mouthed Eagles don’t catch their prey’.
The always dreaded Coquitlam game – usually scheduled at 5:30 pm on the Saturday of the Halloween, Christmas, or St. Paddy’s day party – was played yesterday at 2:30 pm on Coquitlam’s best Cunnings field. Jokers II arrived with plenty of time to stand around and get very cold while overhearing the Eagles’ game plan “to win the big one”. While the eagles were plotting their master plan, the Jokers knew losing wasn’t an option because (a) it was 2:30 pm on a Saturday and we were out in Coquitlam, (b) coach T. had said not to, and (c) we had a couple special guests on the field so needed to be on our best behaviour. After all, it was the return of the V. as well as the long anticipated Debut of A.W. (don’t worry this one seems much more well behaved). Jokers – following their coach’s lead – started strong, played the middle bit well, and finished solid. It was almost as if the hockey gods had dressed in orange that day: the sun came out, the black rubber turf lay low, balls were stopped, passes connected, evil J. was shut down, calls were tilted our way, and Jokers found the net. The first “goal” scored by C. aka B. had technically been shot from outside the D but the combination of the referee forgetting her glasses and being colour blind made it possible. At half time Jokers were up 1:0. The second half the Eagles tried to go for the kill, but the defense stayed strong and the offense provided, getting a penalty corner which A.W. reverse-sticked into the bottom right corner. Welcome to the Jokers and thank you very much. Joli the goalie – with plenty of time to contemplate which German saying to go with – defrosted the two occasions she was called upon and secured the shutout. Final score: Jokers 2 – (not so much) Tempo 0. Special thanks to K.G., who played 3 games in a day, L., who did not want to play but should seriously consider joining Div II for good, and S. who I would advise to score without the use of her foot next time.
February 4, 2018 – Burnaby Lakers @ Jokers Champs
In Germany we have a saying: “That is me sausage.”
Jokers Champs will face off against the Burnaby Lakers in the first round of playoffs in early March. While the upcoming semifinals will go about the sausage, Sunday’s game was sausage to us. Confused? Me too. The existing sausage contradiction dates back to the year 589 BC when house servants of the rich stuffed leftover meat into cleaned intestines of the animal and gave it to the poor. Or did the poor throw the sausages at the rich? It’s always one or the other. In the end it’s probably all a matter of perspective. Well, in the case of the sausage there are two ends which complicates matters even more. Anyway, where was I? Right, we played some field hockey on Sunday at noon at Hamber. Jokers went up 2:0. C. disobediently ran into the attacking D and put in a beautiful cross from K.N. Not sure if coach C. was furious or flattered. Next R. unexcitedly scored on the penalty corner. Then, Lakers scored twice – we don’t want to talk about it. We took the second half more serious. This time K.N. tipped in a pass from C. (seriously why were you up there again?); R. had a little dribble from one end of the field to the other, bobbled the shot, sneezed at the goalie who got scared and jumped over the ball; lastly L.-A. scored one of the post, by that time I wasn’t really paying attention anymore so I need assisting with the assist. To summarize: the only thing about this game that wasn’t sausage to us was the amazing performance of the two W. sisters. Welcome and welcome back! Final score Jokers 5 – Lakers 2.
Jokers Champs will face off against the Burnaby Lakers in the first round of playoffs in early March. While the upcoming semifinals will go about the sausage, Sunday’s game was sausage to us. Confused? Me too. The existing sausage contradiction dates back to the year 589 BC when house servants of the rich stuffed leftover meat into cleaned intestines of the animal and gave it to the poor. Or did the poor throw the sausages at the rich? It’s always one or the other. In the end it’s probably all a matter of perspective. Well, in the case of the sausage there are two ends which complicates matters even more. Anyway, where was I? Right, we played some field hockey on Sunday at noon at Hamber. Jokers went up 2:0. C. disobediently ran into the attacking D and put in a beautiful cross from K.N. Not sure if coach C. was furious or flattered. Next R. unexcitedly scored on the penalty corner. Then, Lakers scored twice – we don’t want to talk about it. We took the second half more serious. This time K.N. tipped in a pass from C. (seriously why were you up there again?); R. had a little dribble from one end of the field to the other, bobbled the shot, sneezed at the goalie who got scared and jumped over the ball; lastly L.-A. scored one of the post, by that time I wasn’t really paying attention anymore so I need assisting with the assist. To summarize: the only thing about this game that wasn’t sausage to us was the amazing performance of the two W. sisters. Welcome and welcome back! Final score Jokers 5 – Lakers 2.
March 3, 2018 – Seak to sky @ Jokers II
In Germany we have a saying: “My patience-thread is
ripping.”
Saturday, 6:22 pm. Coach T. instructs me to get the match report out asap. His patience-thread was not the only one strained today. While Jokers II showed some great patience at sunny Hamber this morning, a sea of bright-blue teenagers looked skyward as they had chance after chance after chance. Sea to sky got on the board early, being the first to find the ball buried under rusty Joli the goalie. But Jokers came back strong with the most beautiful goal I have seen all season; remember that time A.W. put a tomahawk into the top right corner? Coach T. won’t remember, because his patience-thread was on the phone. The teenagers ran from the sea to the sky, but it was the Jokers that got on the board again with a beautiful breakaway that ended up on C. aka B.’s stick and found the back of the net, putting Jokers up 2:1 at half time. Photo material from the half time talk shows Joli the goalie hunched over in exhaustion, go figure. The second half was a battle. There were clearly more (ok younger) blue than orange players converging on our net. They tied the game, we fought back to convert a penalty corner. They answered – we answered. Somehow Jokers were up 4:3 late in the second half. Finally, our patience-thread ripped and sea to sky tied the game on a stroke. Yes, 4:4 was really the final score. Impatient coach T. wanted me to mention: goals from Gadget x 3 and one from C. aka B. Apparently in England patience is not a virtue. (To be fair, in Germany it is neither.)
Saturday, 6:22 pm. Coach T. instructs me to get the match report out asap. His patience-thread was not the only one strained today. While Jokers II showed some great patience at sunny Hamber this morning, a sea of bright-blue teenagers looked skyward as they had chance after chance after chance. Sea to sky got on the board early, being the first to find the ball buried under rusty Joli the goalie. But Jokers came back strong with the most beautiful goal I have seen all season; remember that time A.W. put a tomahawk into the top right corner? Coach T. won’t remember, because his patience-thread was on the phone. The teenagers ran from the sea to the sky, but it was the Jokers that got on the board again with a beautiful breakaway that ended up on C. aka B.’s stick and found the back of the net, putting Jokers up 2:1 at half time. Photo material from the half time talk shows Joli the goalie hunched over in exhaustion, go figure. The second half was a battle. There were clearly more (ok younger) blue than orange players converging on our net. They tied the game, we fought back to convert a penalty corner. They answered – we answered. Somehow Jokers were up 4:3 late in the second half. Finally, our patience-thread ripped and sea to sky tied the game on a stroke. Yes, 4:4 was really the final score. Impatient coach T. wanted me to mention: goals from Gadget x 3 and one from C. aka B. Apparently in England patience is not a virtue. (To be fair, in Germany it is neither.)
March 10, 2018 – Playoff Semifinals - Jokers Champs vs. Burnaby Lakers
In Germany we have a saying: “To be a poor sausage.”
Jokers Champs finally headed into their play-off semifinals yesterday, a game highly anticipated and waited for since the season finale on January 14. We all knew that it was going to be cup-hockey or to put it eloquently, that the game went about the sausage. Burnaby Lakers showed early that the game wasn’t sausage to them, starting strong with just that bit of extra physicality to tip in a cross through our sleepy D. Jokers answered promptly with one of R.’s famous D-to-D-runs, but the goal was denied by an unfortunate whistle just before the ball crossed the goal line. We couldn’t convert the subsequent penalty corner either. Oh we poor sausages! Jokers brought it on in the second half, however, sweat, blood, war cries, elbows, and hearts of burning orange just weren’t enough. Burnaby Lakers sausaged a couple breakaways past the last line of defense to take the victory 3:0. Just as words of wisdom were once spoken – everything has an end, only the sausage has two – the season came to an end. We did not act as the offended liver sausages though. While Burnaby Lakers went home to clean their war weapons, Jokers came together in the sun and enjoyed some beers, sparkly, and field-hockey-stick-cake, at least winning Thekengold (aka winning the gold medal for closing the bar – of course we have a word for that!).
Big sausagy thanks to coach C. for putting up with us this season, to everyone who came out to watch and of course to all the Jokers Champs’ sausages that made this season great fun and such a success!
Jokers Champs finally headed into their play-off semifinals yesterday, a game highly anticipated and waited for since the season finale on January 14. We all knew that it was going to be cup-hockey or to put it eloquently, that the game went about the sausage. Burnaby Lakers showed early that the game wasn’t sausage to them, starting strong with just that bit of extra physicality to tip in a cross through our sleepy D. Jokers answered promptly with one of R.’s famous D-to-D-runs, but the goal was denied by an unfortunate whistle just before the ball crossed the goal line. We couldn’t convert the subsequent penalty corner either. Oh we poor sausages! Jokers brought it on in the second half, however, sweat, blood, war cries, elbows, and hearts of burning orange just weren’t enough. Burnaby Lakers sausaged a couple breakaways past the last line of defense to take the victory 3:0. Just as words of wisdom were once spoken – everything has an end, only the sausage has two – the season came to an end. We did not act as the offended liver sausages though. While Burnaby Lakers went home to clean their war weapons, Jokers came together in the sun and enjoyed some beers, sparkly, and field-hockey-stick-cake, at least winning Thekengold (aka winning the gold medal for closing the bar – of course we have a word for that!).
Big sausagy thanks to coach C. for putting up with us this season, to everyone who came out to watch and of course to all the Jokers Champs’ sausages that made this season great fun and such a success!
