Gesellschaftskritik? Maybe a little bit.

The Worm dog – New trend from China arrives in North America

Vancouver, BC – We’ve all seen them: tiny, short legged dogs wearing expensive parkas, silky scarfs, and fancy haircuts. Often enough they peek out of purses or strollers and shoot you an ironic glance that lets you reconsider certain life choices. Why the heck am I not being pushed or carried around by my loved ones? What has once started as an irritating fashion has now become the favorite pet in the greater Vancouver area, according to a survey conducted by BC Stats. While the ordinary Vancourite still shops in local pet stores or visits regional dog breeders, the real trend has now arrived from China: The Worm dog. 

Hannah W. is the co-owner of the first Worm dog shop on Vancouver’s Robson Street. Hannah has a degree in Fashionable Domesticated Animal Design and has been working with breeders from Hong Kong for several years now. “We were just looking for something a little more convenient than an Australian Silky Terrier with its long hair or a Miniature Pinscher that barks more than other dogs its size. People nowadays don’t have time to walk their dogs, let alone to take them to the park. They want a loyal companion with little needs.” It took over 3 years for the research team from Hong Kong to come up with the perfect breed. “When they first contacted me and told me that they were planning to cross a Bootlace worm with a Wiener dog, I thought they were kidding”, says Alison A., BC’s leading expert in dog breeding, “but when I saw first results I was impressed. From an evolutionary point of view city dogs no longer need legs. Owners often prefer to carry the dog in their purses or push them in strollers.”

Hannah W. said she remained skeptical at first, but soon realized the business potential. “Last summer I traveled to Belgium where the Worm dog had found its first passionate owners in the spring of 2016. When I saw how happy dogs and owners moved through the heart of Brussels I was convinced.” She flew straight to Hong Kong to seal the deal. The shop on Robson Street opened only 3 weeks after her visit to Belgium. “People couldn’t be more content”, she enthusiastically tells us. “Most landlords already changed their tenant agreements towards allowing the Worm dog as a pet. They are unable to scratch floors or walls and make little or no barking sounds, since they have become nearly mute in the cross breeding.” 

Strolling through Vancouver these days you will find that you can spot more and more Worm dogs each day. Pet and owner appear to be equally happy and difficulties traditional dog holders have faced in the past seem to diminish in the worm dog’s case. Air China is even considering allowing the worm dog as a carry on. “If you think about it, it is not much different from a neck role,” comments Alison A. on the upcoming regulation change. So should you go and get yourself a Worm dog as soon as possible? For now not everyone might be able to afford to spend $6300 CAD on a pet, but as the trend keeps going and with demand still rising, the worm dog might soon be found in your local pet store.

 

Tamquamish - It’s all like ‘like’

Monterey, CA –  The International Research Foundation for English Language & Education (IRFELE) located in Monterey, California, confirmed the addition of a new sublanguage to the category of English communication linguistics. The new language is called Tamquamish and is primary spoken along North America’s West Coast. Tamquamish is derived from American English with similar vocabulary and grammatical structure. The main distinction between Tamquamish and English is the replacement of every other word with the English conjunction word like, derived from the Low German word lieken ‎(“to be like; resemble”). Other meanings of like come from Old English līcian ‎(“to please; be sufficient”), from Proto-Germanic *līkijaną ‎(“to please”), from Proto-Indo-European *līg-, *leyg- ‎(“image; likeness; similarity”), from Saterland Frisian liekje ‎(“to be similar, resemble”), Dutch lijken ‎(“to seem”), German gleichen ‎(“to resemble”), Swedish lika ‎(“to like; put up with; align with”), Norwegian like ‎(“to like”), and the Icelandic líka ‎(“to like”). All of these forms remain in the Tamquamish language, replacing unimportant words like similar, as, resembling, such as, or reminiscent to.
 
Professor Dr. Como, head director of IRFELE’s modern language division, explained the decision of promoting Tamquamish to a new language with the following statement: “The Oxford Dictionary of the English language contains 171,476 currently used words. Many non-native speaker struggle with this large vocabulary that exist in traditional English. Younger generations have long dismissed over 98% of existing words and the word like is used in many contexts like when referring to a similarity or like when expressing positive feelings towards something. Tamquamish is the outcome of lingo already used across the country. Older and especially British people have a hard time to let go of English as we know it, but if you listen closely Tamquamish is the outcome of a language already spoken by a large part of the population.” 

Dr. Como’s research division not only studies the excessive use of words like like, but also how headsets and headphones have changed the view of talking to one’s self. “If we go back one or two generations”, he explains in a telephone interview, “talking out loud while sitting, standing, or walking alone, one was considered to be crazy. We now see a complete shift in public perception, as people do it all the time. It’s like women wearing pants or people being on their phone during dinner. The first one was once considered scandalous, the latter one impolite and both are completely accepted nowadays. Just like that, society has changed.”
 
It is true, walking through a modern American mall, you will see many people that appear to be talking to themselves whether they are having a conversation through their headphones or are dictating text messages, one can only guess. If you happen to earth drop on the occasional face to face conversation between two people it usually goes like: “So I was like ‘What did you do that for?’ and then she was like ‘I don’t know!’, like she really didn’t know. And I was just like ‘Whatever.’ Like I would ever understand her.” 

It’s like the little 4 letter word has crept into every single sentence of the spoken English language. “And we don’t even have to spell it out any longer”, Dr. Como concludes, “Facebook has come up with a symbol for us to replace the word like completely by using the thumbs-up icon. Texting in Tamquamish will be super efficient.” Whether you like it or not, like has found its way into modern jargon. It’s like the old clichéd phrase – What’s not to like?

Hope for victims suffering from contemporary diseases

Toronto, ON – A brand new Centre for Contemporary Diseases and Illnesses (CCDI) opened yesterday in Kitchener, Ontario, just outside of Toronto. The federal government decided to build this state of the art hospital in response to a series of odd new disease that have popped up all over the country in recent months, mainly affecting teenagers and young adults. 

Simon B. was on a trip to New York City when he suddenly lost all sense of orientation. “I was taking selfies at Time Square just like any other tourist”, he later reported to the media, “and when I looked up from my phone, I didn’t know where I was at all. I started to panic, but when I looked back at the pictures on my phone I regained orientation. Looking at the screen made me feel safe. I managed to find my way back to the hotel by taking pictures every 10 meters or so.” Luckily Simon managed to meet up with his friends who traveled with him and got him back home safely. Simon is not the only reported case of what experts now call Aletheiagnosia (Greek: "aletheia" = "the state of being evident", "agnosia" = "not knowing"). “The illness manifests in many different forms”, explains Prof. Dr. Robert Tran-Spicer, “The symptoms range from loss of orientation in a new environment to reality blindness and general sensory overload.” Dr. Tran-Spicer is the head of the newly built CCDI, where currently 156 patients are treated. “Many young people nowadays are a lot more familiar with the visual world on their phones, tablets, or laptops. When they step out of the virtual reality into the real world their sensory and perceptual systems can’t cope with the sensory input around us leading to a complete sense of helplessness.” 

Critics argue that the problem is rooted in the “smart phone addiction” of the younger generation and should be addressed by stricter parenting and education programs. They feel that the money that went into developing the CCDI could be better spent elsewhere. “There are hundreds of kids that don’t even have access to a phone or a computer and yet we spent government money on building a clinic to cure those that use their social status and abundance carelessly,” says Kaity Miller, a Toronto social worker. CCDI objectors might soon be quieted, as the government is cutting financial support. Now that the clinic is ready for operation, the management is asked to find industry funding. According to CCDI's finance division, the management is already talking to several companies that have an interest in developing products that will help CCDI’s patients. 

One of these companies might be CloudVision, a company offering cloud storage for smart phone pictures. Currently their services include an intuitive picture storing platform with customized folder structures that include selfies, pet pictures, food pictures, vacation photos etc. While the just storage plan is free, easy to share plans start at $5.99 CAD a months. The company advertises using semi-philosophical slogans such as ‘Did it even happen if it’s not captured on camera?’ or ‘Share and link your life, appreciation is just a click away’.
 
“Our platform already offers help to patients with Aletheiagnosia”, says Helena Li, one of CloudVision’s PR and marketing board members. “The close family and friends circle offers an option for relatives and friends to follow the patients’ whereabouts and see the world through their eyes. The resulting support and understanding helps many patients on their way to recovery. But we want to move away from offering virtual goods only.” The company is launching their first hardware product on November 24, 2017. The eyePhone is a newly developed smart phone that matches captured pictures to a large online data base. Once the user is spatially picture matched, the phone will calculate the shortest route to the entered destination, wherever it is. This could improve the quality of life of Aletheiagnosia patients, many of which do no longer feel save to leave the house by themselves. CloudVision has also filed a patent for filtered contact lenses and will flood the market with Mono-, Fade-, Chrome-, Transfer-, Process-, and Instant-lenses as soon as they are ready for production. These lenses are designed to help young people deal with sensory overload by making the world look a lot more like the pictures they post on social media. Additionally, glasses that are able to switch between a square, standard, and panoramic field of view are another product the company hopes to have on the market by 2017.

Still, vision related problems are not the only illnesses that doctors at CCDI have to treat. Several teenagers have been admitted with so called locked thumb syndrome. This disease is just another smart phone casualty. Most patients are reported to have ‘liked’ several thousand pictures on Facebook or Instagram within about 30 minutes, resulting in a complete cramp of one of the nine thumb muscles, the flexor pollicis brevis. “We think the critical number of likes is about 5250 in a time under 30 minutes”, speculates Dr. Tran-Spicer, “but it’s still too early to tell.” Some of the patients were unable to move their thumbs for several weeks and only extensive physiotherapy and locally administered muscle relaxants could break the tension. “The body just can’t keep up”, concludes Dr. Tran-Spicer, “Evolution takes effect over several generations, but modern technology develops too quickly for our bodies to adapt. We will have more and more illnesses related to modern life in the years to come.” So should we be alarmed?  Dr. Tran-Spicer says not yet. “Our bodies will adapt to the new demands dictated by technology eventually and our minds will figure out how to deal with the concept of reality versus virtuality.”

My recent travels

Why don’t you ride into the sunset with me?

Sticky, heavy, humid air wraps itself around spacious mansions, big trucks, wide streets, tall palm trees, and big tourists. It is late afternoon in St. Pete’s Beach, Florida. It is one of those moments when time pauses, the tipping point between unbearable tropical midday heat and flashy neon bright night life. Most people are busy washing off sweat, sun, salt, sand, booze, chlorine, dirt, and sunscreen, while getting ready for a night full of gator bites, boiled peanuts, key lime pies, cocktails, beers and other drinks.

 

Down at the beach most families have left, a few are slowly packing in, too lazy and relaxed to hurry. The water is warm and calm, inviting anyone to dive in. Happily chatting, two white skinned bodies move slowly through the peaceful sea. They are swimming parallel to shore, endless ocean stretching to their left. Suddenly a large dark back arches out of the water right next to them, disturbing the sense of tranquillity and total relaxation. Wasn’t alligator a specialty of this area? As fast as they can paddle with their average short human arms, they swim towards a group of round bellied white skinned humans standing in the more shallow waters. So far the sea monster has not made a move yet. The group of people that has been targeted for the possible alligator attack suddenly gets very excited and cries out “A manatee, a manatee.” Whatever that means, the huge dark body seems to belong to a human-friendly species. Accordingly, the biggest bellied white person excitedly starts petting the friendly sea monster, which the huge animal does not seem to mind. Eventually it remembers that he belongs in the sea and starts to part. Not ready to let his new friend go, the big bellied white man hangs on to the manatee’s back. We just hear him call “I am riding a manatee.” And that was the last anyone ever saw of him. (Almost) completely true story. 

Oh you bitter sweet soft dolce tiny little thing called Gelato

Countless tiny cars and scooters speed their way through the narrow streets of Italy’s north, while people cycle and walk somewhere in between the maze of metal ants. Meanwhile the Lago Maggiore is lazily lying in the middle of busy people and stoic mountains like a sleeping giant. German tourists are moving in from all sides, pointing their pale faces towards the sun on the deck of busy ferry boats. The same groups of German tourists among others have come to realize that there is something to do for everyone: The laid back traveller is drinking Aperol Spritz by the lakeside; the culinary lover is feasting risotto freshly dished out of a gigantic parmesan cheese; the adventurer is climbing local mountains; the spiritual is going on pilgrimages to dazzling sanctuaries; the historic is visiting the Borromean Islands, where castles, paintings, and gardens let one dream of living a life as a painter, a puppeteer, a sculptor, or a royal.

 

And then there is moment of the day, when day time adventures threaten to come to an end and night time ventures still seem out of reach. Satisfied but tired from a day full of nature, art, architecture, and people watching the only reasonable thing to do is to roll into one of the many small villages to visit a Gelateria. Excitedly a queue of people of all ages buzzes with joyful anticipation and difficult decision making. By the time the order is placed, one has to be ready. How many scoops? What flavour? Cone or cup? Prego e grazie. Please and thank you. And then the world misses a beat, while this soft, creamy, full-flavoured art of ice cream melts away. There is no rush, no anger, no stress; there is only the perfect scoop of gelato at the end of a satisfying day. 

Pellworm – Idealistic, stoic and Nordic by nature.

We have all seen or even experienced it: hundreds of people crossing a busy intersection in Tokyo, framed by blinking, fast moving, attention-eating advertisement; tourists and party people taking selfies on Time Square in the midst of a wild mixture of people, taxis, dogs, busses, traffic lights, pedestrian crossings, and huge neon signs; larger, louder, longer traffic jams in various major cities in China, India, or the United States. We have all done it: checked emails or messages during a dinner or drinks with friends; watched television, got stuck in the YouTube loop, or surfed the net until the wee-hours; connected our work computer to two separate monitors, while simultaneously watching a football match on TV, listening to the radio or favorite music program, and chatting on the phone and facebook with various friends at the same time. We are living in a time of sensory overload. Even the beauty of the world around us can often only be enjoyed when converted into pixels and viewed on a 5 inch smart phone screen. Yet, there seem to be places around the world that still manage to hold on to a slower pace of life. The ferry between Nordstrand and Pellworm runs 5-6 times a day. If you miss one you wait for the next. That’s just how life works on an island.

 

At low tide it looks like the ship is actually gliding over wet sand. Slowly it finds its way into open sea. Sailings under clear blue skies or stormy dark grey clouds are equally impressive and soul warming. People are chatty, but calm and general in good spirits. Seals lazily open one eye as the boat floats by. The crossing takes anything between a few minutes and hours depending on everyone’s set of mind. Once landed on the other side, passengers are greeted by grass-covered dikes, weatherproofed houses, cycling families, distant horizons, as well as a lot of sheep. Gradually the average walking speed slows down, breaths are taken more deeply, heads spin with imagination and creativity, new friends are made, experiences are shared, there is time to laugh and cry, to be cheerful or pensive, to discover or to relive, while the importance of existing phones, computers, messengers, and social media seems to be forgotten. 

The one with the dumpling drama

Suffering from lack of food in Montreal is like having a shortage of tourists at the Niagara Falls: inexplicable! Patisseries, brasseries, smokeries, bakeries, confectioneries, breweries, eateries, and poutineries stand shoulder by shoulder guarding their city. In the unlikely event that one managed to pass all these without entering the respective 'etablissement' first, and a food coma second, there is always China town. Let’s assume one were to tour the city all day. One walked around on foot and cycled on city-bikes, visited parks, streets, and churches and miraculously forgot to feast for most of the day. One were also to meet a friend unlucky enough to spend all day at work. One was then to go to a Chinese dumpling place. In a clear state of mind one would realize that ordering 2 wonton soups and 3 trays of dumplings with 15 piece each might be a little excessive, but one is near starvation so screw any reason. The dumplings arrive, the protagonists dig in. The soups arrives, the eaters sigh. The soups are gone, the dumplings slowly diminish, the chopsticks move slower and slower. One has to make it past 30 to justify ordering 3 trays. Then one can relax and order a take-away box. This story would be rather boring if it ended here. But evenings in Montreal rarely end just after dinner. Come night time the city buzzes with high spirits, festivals, and events.

 

So one decides to drag the dumpling filled bellies across town to a show that is part of the Fringe Festival. The show is called Nerd Fucker. The title provocative, the expectations range from curious to probably interesting. One needs to half sprint to make it on time, while wontons and dumplings are having a party of their own in digestive parts of the body. One arrives out of breath, sweating like a pig, and slightly nauseated from rushing, but just in time to see the beginning of Nerd Fucker. The theatre has mistaken its identity to be a Finish sauna without the herbal smell of water being poured over hot rocks. The show starts as a middle-aged, half naked, rather bigger sized woman walks on stage with only a towel wrapped around her waist. A large chess board is drawn on her bare back, in front her boobs dangle unmissable. As part of the show the audience has supposedly come an hour early for a chess match to be played on her back. She leaves and re-enters with now wearing a bathrobe that is open in the back. The chessboard needs to dry. The hour to come she is giving a monologue wrapped into the fake mistake of the audience being there too early. All the while one is sitting there uncomfortably hot, painfully full, and unpleasantly smelling of take-away dumplings. The theatre starts to blur away and the one-woman show metamorphoses into a large talking dumpling. Oh Montreal, food is your culture and yet culture is your food. 

Finally Hipster - The only thing that's changed

Not much has changed with Joli, except.... she finally gave into the pressure of society and got herself beautiful Princess Consuela. Now, she is on top of things, peeking into and popping up stuff, changing how she does pretty much everything. So not much has changed with Joli, except...she is finally a true hipster!

#livingthefancylife #norootswelcome #citylights #thispictureissoboring #therichandthebeauty #beautifulVancouver

#schnief  #eventempocanbeart #nevertellparentsyouneedsomething #bettersafethansorry #feelingartisty 

#zeroemission #Idontstopforpedestrians #bikesnightout #beautifulcolors #drinkandride #Nevillerocks 

#omg #crazyglasses #rememberthis@BærBär #mylifeisawesome #amazingmemories #putabirdonit #soretro

#hopeyougettheirony #Germanscanbefunny #JoligoesHipster #lovingConsuela

V for Vancouver

I am not sure if I am quite ready for this yet. I mean this is a lot of responsibility and I have "only" been a Vancouverian for two years now! However, over the last couple of years, we had so many (old and new) friends and family visit or just pass through the city that the same question came up over and over again: What is there to do in Vancouver? I have written emails and messages, made lists and verbal suggestions, and I have always thought to myself "I should really write all of this down... somewhere". So here it goes, some tips and suggestions around Vancouver, completely subjective and up to now only to be found when talking directly to the Joli-Tourguide here in Vancouver.

Fairy Tales Vancouver 

There are many stories, legends, and tales around this city. Vancouver is really not that old, even for North American standards. It was incorporated on April 6, 1886 and is named after the explorer George Vancouver. Still, there are many little anecdotes and stories all over the city and especially around downtown. If you have some time to spare, I really recommend doing a free city walking tour. I have attended several of these tours (some even twice) and their style is very easy going and a lot of fun. How else would I know that the oldest church of Vancouver is owned by the Great-West Life Reality Advisors who transferred the air space over the church about two blocks further north to build a gigantic skyscraper with the ironic address of 666 Burrard Street. Just like this one, most of my Vancouver-fun-fact-knowledge comes from attending some of these walking tours. But even on your own, there is a lot to explore in and around downtown.

First of all, take some time to linger around the waterfront area (around the east and west wing of the convention center), have some ice cream (for example at Bella Gelateria, the best ice cream in town), a coffee, or a cold beer and watch the sea planes take off, land, and refuel right next to the heart of the city. By the way, the gigantic blue drop next to the west convention center was designed by some German engineers who thought that a rain drop would be the best symbol of the city. Yep, the "dry" German humor made it all the way out to Vancouver. While strolling around waterfront, also make sure to walk up to the Olympic fire (one of which arms didn't open in the opening ceremony of the 2010 winter Olympic's) and especially keep a look out for my all time favorite pixel whale (or digital orca), who represents the clash between nature and modern life and towers just next to the west side of the west wing of the convention center. Just a little further up on Burrard Street, you can find the Marine building which is a pretty nice building as such and  - if you are passing by anyways - you should definitely go into the foyer to take a look around. The J&J Beans inside the Marine building has good coffee and is a good place to rest the tired feet.

From here, it's not too far to make your way to Gastown. Main attractions here are the steam clock (which is pretty much always broken but apparently still worth to take a photo of, judging by the amount of tourists surrounding it), Gassy Jack (the first bar owner in Vancouver who apparently had the pub build in a day by eager and drink-needing workers that used tools that fell from the sky...), and generally the oldish style of this part of town. Gastown is full of old and new history. The lamp lighter (a random corner pub) is for example one of the first bars at the west coast (and the first in Vancouver) that allowed women to enter (well to be completely honest, they were only allowed in a separate room but still they were served alcohol) or the Hill's Native Art Store, which played an important role in proving Bill Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky (poor Bill had bought a very unique piece of Canadian native art for Monica that could later be traced back). Depending on the time and day that you find yourself visiting Gastown, make sure to get a coffee at Revolver (Sundays closed) or a beer and a pork belly sandwich at the Alibi Room (not open for lunch).

Right next to Gastown, is the oldest part of Vancouver's Chinatown. Actually, the area today known as Chinatown was originally mostly inhabited by Italians and Greek, but as Chinese immigration grew, the South Europeans moved to settle further East of the city, while the Chinese took over the original "little Italy". You might be surprised how small today's Chinatown is, considering that more than 30% of Vancouver's population is Chinese. However, the Chinatown in downtown can be seen as the "historic Chinatown", since the modern (and maybe true) Chinatown has since then moved to Richmond (a suburb in the greater Vancouver area). Speaking of Richmond, if you feel like visiting  an authentic Chinese night market, Richmond is the place to go during the summer time (unfortunately I haven't been but I hear it's good!). There, and in downtown Chinatown adventurous travelers can try and purchase many original Chinese delicacies.

While moving around Chinatown and Gastown, you might come across the beginning of East Hastings Avenue. East Hastings, also called "Wastings" is a rather sad sight. Many homeless people all across Canada make their way to Vancouver, since it is the warmest city in Canada. In addition, drug abuse and mental illnesses are huge problems in the city. While one would maybe not expect to witness such sadness right next to touristy spots, Vancouver tries to deal with this just east of downtown so that stumbling into this poor area is quite common.

Other parts of downtown that I am not quite as familiar with include Yaletown and the West End. I am tempted to call Yaletown the part of the city, where the rich and the beautiful live, but one could argue that pretty much all of inner Vancouver is rich and beautiful. In either case, Yaletown has many bars and restaurants, maybe a little fancier than other places around town. I have not been, but I have heard from several people that the Flying Pig is worth a visit. When the owner of this place was younger, it was his dream to open up his own restaurant. However, his parents didn't think that was a particularly great idea and said that "pigs would be able to fly" before he opened a restaurant, hence the name. (Note, the flying pig also has a location in Gastown, and the Bella Gelateria also has a location in Yaletown). More restaurants and bars can be found in the downtown's Westend. There are many good Ramen and other Chinese as well as Japanese restaurants along Denman Street. Davie Street is also worth a visit. Always wearing rainbow, Davie Street is the heart of the proud gay community and has a very cool vibe. If you want to be real unhealthy and true Canadian, get yourself a Poutine at La Belle Patate. For people that enjoy slightly more sophisticated food, Stepho's Souvlaki Greek Taverna offers great Greek food, just come prepared to wait in line for a bit. 

Lastly, I should probably say a couple of words about options on rainy days (since this is a thing here). Well, I personally have not been to the art gallery, but it is most likely not the greatest art gallery you will see in your life. More info can probably be found in any city guide so I am not gonna talk about about what I don't know. However, it's pretty cool to hang out behind the art gallery for a bit (just on Robson square), get yourself something from a food truck or a coffee and just watch people for a bit. It's also worth to pay a visit to Fairmont Hotel (this used to be the perfect place to use a public bathroom but they have recently started renovating and might have changed things), take a look at the gigantic pendulum inside the HSBC building just across the art gallery, and definitely make a stop in the Rosewood Hotel Georgia. This is a hotel full of history and art. Apparently you can even do a little art tour around the hotel, though I have only ever been on the main floor (on which they also have very cool art work).

For the cyclists and/or the Latschers ("walkers")

I can already hear the outrage from some of my readers that I wrote all this stuff about downtown but left out Stanley Park. Fair. So, Stanley Park is worth at least one trip. I am sure that in many tour guides you will find the top tip to rent a bike and cycle around the Seawall. Well, let me tell you, if you are a half decent cyclists and do not want to drive behind other (not so great cycling) tourists at a maximal speed of about 6.8 km/h, you should either go to non peak hours (so really, really early) or just not take a bicycle. My recommendation is to go per pedes and to start at English Bay (which is not possible on bike due to a one way restriction for bicycles). Hang out with the "A-maze-ing Laughter" statues at English Bay for a bit and then do the Seawall clockwise. It is definitely worth it and one of the nicest walks in the city. If you feel like the whole walk is a little bit too long you can cut off the end through the park (try to take a map I always get lost!) and if you have a Joli somewhere close by, make sure to make her take you to the Vancouver Rowing Club for a refreshing beer on one of the nicest patios in town.

Another good tour is from Kitsilano (aka Kits) beach along False Creek all the way to the science center and then on the downtown side along Yaletown back to Burrard bridge. This is a nice tour either on foot or on a bike and could be done in either direction. If you get hungry along the way, you could always stop at Earnest Ice Cream (third best ice cream in the city) and you will definitely not go wrong with "Go Fish!", a fish and ships place just before (or after) Granville Island. I guess I should say a couple of words about Granville Island as well. Well first of all (no surprise here), do the walking tour! Granville Island went through several different industrial phases until it became the touristy place it is today. The one thing that always bothered me was that cars are allowed on the little island. This is probably for to reasons: 1. The city is trying to keep Granville Island as a part of the local community by having a an art college as well as a community center (which both need to be reachable) on Granville Island. 2. The large public market is a place where tourists and local Vancouverians shop for fresh fruits, veggies, meat, cheese, and other delicacies. So, cars remain allowed on Granville Island and I guess Joli has to deal with it. Other than that, the Island has a very relaxed and artsy vibe. I can really recommend getting some food in the public market and enjoying it on the docks behind the hall, getting a coffee from Off the Tracks is also not the worst idea. People that are very thirsty can get some cold beer from the Granville Island Brewery and take it (warning - illegal!) to the Ron Basford Park (which is actually just some grass over a huge pile of industrial junk). In either case make sure to have a look at the house boats on the south east (facing downtown) end of the island. And a very fun way to get around (not only from Granville Island)  is to take one of these tiny nutshell water taxis!

Anyway, I was actually talking about cycling/walking trips you could take. A really nice day trip is to got to UBC (the University of British Columbia) situated at the very west end of Vancouver. Here, there are several things to do. The Museum of Anthropology is a very cool museum. Also at the west end of the Campus is the rose garden and a stroll along main mall makes you feel like a clever student from some kind of Hollywood College movie. For lunch Koerner's Pub or Great Dane Coffee are good options or, if you want to feel like a student again, you can go into the so called "village" a place with all kind of food options in the basement below the building on University Boulevard and Allison Road. However, life on Campus is only interesting for a brief period of time so that you'll probably want to leave student life behind eventually. If you are brave and want to have seen pretty much everything on your trip, you should make a little detour to Wreck Beach, Vancouver's very own nudist beach (discovering this home page just made me really happy). However, even if naked overly sun tanned oldish people do not tempt you, the way back from Campus is a real treat. Either on bike or on foot (by the way, only cycle up to UBC if you are very, very fit and do not fear sweating, otherwise take your bike on the front of the bus, the bus drivers are friendly and will assist you the first time you have to do this), take Marine Drive down to Spanish Banks. From here, a beautiful path leads all the way along Spanish banks and Jericho Beach with Vancouver lingering in the far back.

Once back in Kitsilano, you'll get to gaze at huge mansions and millions of dollars worth houses, towering over the Pacific. If you happen to be around here just at time of sunset, a small beach just off Cornwall and Trafalgar (or somewhere close to there) offers the best sunset view of the city.

Speaking of Kitsilano, I find just wandering around Kits a pretty decent activity. Beautiful houses and gardens that are mostly designed with a lot of love and creativity inhabit the Kits area and make it a beautiful neighborhood to live in and visit. If you have some more time, exploring Mount Pleasant also can't hurt. All these residential neighborhoods have mostly very quite streets and then single busy areas where you can shop and consume. In Kits this is 4th Avenue between Burrard and Macdonald, where many shops just wait for you to come in and spent your money (go to Rain or Shine if you are looking for the second best ice cream in the city). Spending a morning, afternoon, evening, or just an entire day at Kits beach is also an option especially if you like people (and/or beach volleyball) watching. If you ever find yourself hungry in the area, a good idea is to have some food on Darby's rooftop patio, at the Hapa Beach Bar (make sure to get a spot outside, preferable at the counter, perfect spot for people watching!), or the Naam, a completely Vegetarian restaurant that is open 24/7.

Greens, parks, and gardens

The absolute best and most amazing garden ever is of course to be found in my back yard, where I carefully produce quite a few home grown veggies and fail to produce quite a lot of home grown veggies as well. But honestly, there are many little parks around the city and you can usually not go wrong by stopping in any of them. Some I have already mentioned and other will appear in other parts of this post (like the Butchart's garden in Victoria - don't go there), but I would like to point out a couple that might not be so obvious to go to, but are in my opinion worth it. 

Dr. Sun Yat-Sen garden, situated in downtown Chinatown is a comforting and quite place in the middle of the busy inner area of Vancouver. I would recommend going during the week and at some early time when you might have a chance to enjoy it mostly to yourself. It has a very spiritual feeling that unfortunately gets lost when the many tourists start to invade the gardens. This traditional Chinese garden is not particularly big, but well known and discovered.

If you have time to go a little bit further out of the city, you should definitely visit Queen Elizabeth Park. It not only has very beautiful gardens, but also a great view of the city and the surrounding mountains. If you are interested in some North American tradition, you can combine a visit to the park with a visit to a local baseball game. Right next to the park, the Vancouver Canadians have their home field. I wouldn't say that baseball is the most exciting sport one could attend, but it is certainly one of the most authentic. Plus, there is a race of 4 different mascots dressed up as sushi, who wouldn't want to see that?

I've already mentioned Stanley Park which is probably also described in pretty much any Vancouver guide. A similar recreational area is the Pacific Spirit Regional Park, which has many easy trails, very large trees, and super fresh air. In general, if you would ask me what I like best about Vancouver, I would probably answer "the smell". so keep your nose open!

Lastly, a not very well known spot and really not all that spectacular of a park in general is the Trimble Park. Personally, I just really, really like the view of the city from up there, especially at night time. I wouldn't make a trip out there just for the sake of it, but if you happen to be in the area, a little side tour is worth it.

Endlich mal wieder ganz normale Leute - Hidden hot spots

If you want to get away from all the amazingly blinding beauty and elegance of the city, you should head out a little bit further east. I don't want to say that these parts of the town are ugly or unpleasant in any way, it's just that the inner city tends to be the home of a lot of very pretty and wealthy people so that it can sometimes feel like living in a bubble of a beautiful, happy, and mostly safe place. The area around Commercial Drive feels just a little more real. It's a wild mixture of punks, hippies, young families, old Italians, and other immigrants busily existing together. Another reason to spent some time out there is (of course) good food. My favorite Japanese restaurant, Kishimoto, is definitely a must go for Sushi lovers (be aware of long waiting times, so come early). Otherwise, there is many good bars (e.g. St. Agustine's, Storm Crow, or BierCraft, a Belgian beer bar) and cafes to spent the day and nights in. However, "the Drive" is very popular at night and especially on the weekend, so (again) make sure to go early or during the week.

If you have been to Berlin, Germany, or Portland, Oregon, you might have encountered a certain group of people colloquially called "hipsters". If you've instantly become a fan (as you should) or always wondered what this is all about, you are in the right city. All along Main Street, it's Hipster town. What does that mean? First of all, go and find out yourself! Second of all, bring a jar of home made tea, don't shave for a week (ladies and guys), go to a thrift shop and pick up something that was produced - but never in style - in the 80s, 90s, or 00s, and then just go blend in. If you are opposed to doing all of the above, but still want to experience the vibe of the hipster existence, you could also just visit one of the local craft beer breweries around Main Street.

Even though not central, the Commercial and Main Street are not very hidden spots in Vancouver. The Legion on Broadway and Alma, however, is a place you probably would not just stumble into. I am not even going to try to describe the legion because it is part of the experience to not know what to expect. Just do NOT expect the average bar or a normal crowd of people. Also come prepared to play pool, snooker, darts, or shuffle board and try to go on a Wednesday, Friday, or Saturday, since that are the nights they usually have live music. You should also eat before you go, since they don't serve food. A perfect place to do so would be Green Leaf Sushi on Broadway and Waterloo (make sure to order the Las Vegas roll) or if you - for some crazy reason - do not like Sushi, you could get a Burger at Moderne Burger and then walk (take W. 6th Avenue) or bus (take the 99 from Macdonald to Alma) over.

Day Trips - longer trips - beyond Vancouver

The fastest way to escape the city is to spent some time at the north shore. For this you should take the seabus from waterfront station to North Vancouver. While you are at waterfront station, have a look around the building, and especially the paintings near the ceiling, which are kind of nice (but dark). The Starbucks inside the station was - by the way - the first Starbucks that opened in Canada. When you take the seabus make sure that you have a 2 zone ticket. If you have 1 zone fare savers (a pack of 10 slightly cheaper bus tickets, I would recommend to get fare saver tickets at 7eleven or drug stores to get around Vancouver), you can easily make a fare upgrade at the blue ticket machines. If you encounter any problems doing so, just ask someone around you, people are nice here! Anyway, once on the seabus, make sure to go to the back of the ferry to get a good view of the city that you are leaving behind. Once you are landed in North Vancouver, you can climb up the red tower at Lonsdale Quay and take some amazing pictures of the far away Vancouver.

There are several activities to do in North Vancouver. The most popular one is probably to climb up the grouse grind. Be warned though, this is neither an easy nor a particular beautiful hike. Most people do it either to tick it off their bucket list or for some masochistic and ambitious reasons of getting a good time. If you are lazy, it is totally fine (but a little pricy) to take the Gondola up. Another way to avoid the thousands of people challenging the grind, is to take the BCMC trail, a slightly easier (but still quite steep) trail that also takes you to the top of the mountain. If you made your way up there on foot, you totally deserve to buy yourself a beer and enjoy it on the patio while looking over the city. In any case, make sure to visit the bears that live to entertain exhausted tourists (and locals) right at the top of the mountain. 

Another attraction on the North Shore is the Lynn Canyon. It's right next to the Capilano suspension bridge, which is another tourist hot spot. I personally haven't been to Capilano so I can't judge, but there is a suspension bridge in the Lynn Canyon park and it's very nice and very free. There are also all kinds of hikes around Lynn valley. You can easily spent a very recreational afternoon here. If you completely want to use the system, you can take the free shuttle bus from just outside the east convention center to either Grouse Mountain or Capilano suspension bridge and then take off to explore Lynn Canyon.

Another beautiful day trip is to go out to Deep Cove, a small community at the east end of North Vancouver. Deep Cove is perfect for kayaking as well as swimming swimming and there is a nice and not to difficult hike to the Quarry Rock, which ends on a big rock with a beautiful lookout over "the cove". So make sure to go on a sunny day. Either way (rain or shine), at the end (and/or the beginning) of the day you will deserve to eat a delicious sweet treat at Honey Doughnuts (seriously go for the chocolate doughnut!), the best doughnuts in probably all of BC.

Heading the other way out to West Vancouver is also worth a trip. Just last weekend we did a hike to Eagle Bluffs on Cypress Mountain, which ends with an amazing view of the greater Vancouver area. Generally, if you like hiking, you can't go wrong to stop at any of the north shore mountains (Grouse, Cypress, Seymour...), however, if you are more of a Spaziergänger ("Casual-walker"), Lighthouse Park might be a better place to visit. There are many spots where you can get a peak at either Vancouver, Vancouver Island, or the north shore mountains, while doing the lighthouse park loop. There is also (you might have guessed it by now) a very pretty lighthouse.

If you keep going further north, you are in for a beautiful drive. The highway between Vancouver and Squamish is called the "sea to sky highway" and that for a good reason. It's absolutely stunning and in my opinion worth it, just for the drive. For fit hikers, I recommend driving to the Stawamus Chief and doing a hike up to second and third peak (first peak is a zoo!). I personally like going to third peak first and then working my way back via second, but Jan prefers to go to second peak first because he likes the way down from third, so take your pick. If you are maybe not as fit as you once were or just plain lazy, another option is to take the Sea to Sky Gondola. There are easy hikes at the top and you get a beautiful view of the Squamish valley and even the top of the chief. 

Last but by far not least, I want to write a couple of sentences about Vancouver Island. Honestly, I could do an entire blog post of similar length just about Vancouver Island. So let me only say the most important things: First of all, you should really go! It is such a beautiful place on this earth and time seems to still go a little slower over there. If you have the chance take the ferry from Tsawwassen to Swartz Bay (Victoria). You can also take a little sea plane (with e.g. Harbour Air),  which is supposed to be a lot of fun. If you want to go whale watching, the tours starting in Victoria have a very high chance of seeing many, many whales. I would recommend to go with Eagle Wing Tours, they are fantastic. Afterwards make sure to have a meal at John's Place. Like I said earlier, I advise against going to Butchard's Garden, since there are more tourists than flowers in this thing during peak seasons. If you really, really want to go, do it on a Saturday and bring some kind of picnic to enjoy during the evening fireworks. Otherwise, you can't go wrong with renting a car and just driving all over the island. The beaches along the south west end are pretty wild and unexplored. If you have time, drive across to Tofino or Ucluelet (the latter is a little less touristy and I thought a bit nicer). You will literally be at the end of the world. But I hear the north end of the island (where I've never been) is also a heavenly place on earth. So really, just go, go, go!

PS: There is probably a lot of places that I forgot to mention. I tried to mostly describe places that one might not find in an ordinary guide. If I forgot anything very obvious, please feel free to comment!